The first full-length transmission from Planet Fuck

In terms of oratory it wasn’t up there with the classics of the genre; Hitler at the 1934 Nuremberg Rally, Kennedy in Berlin and Peter O’Toole in Peter Medak’s The Ruling Class but Ed Miliband’s first speech as Labour leader made some encouraging noises.

Mili-E made an important concession to truth and history by denouncing Iraq as a mistake; an act of legal barbarism that punctured holes in the UN charter with an engorged phallus. Mili-D and sinister Steve Martin look-a-like Alistair Darling sat ashen faced, hands never threatening applause, listening to their new leader tell them that they’d voted to emasculate one of the world’s most important post-war institutions. If David does indeed have blood on his hands then presumably he won’t have any desire to soil a ministerial box with them any time soon. Seldom has the phrase “fuck off to Harvard and leave me to it” been delivered with greater eloquence.

Although Ed was occasionally stilted, nerves retarding his mouth to produce new inventions like the word “stup-port” while abolishing important plurals, it was an encouraging address for social democrats and disenfranchised Liberals.

Constitutional reform got the nod with a pledge to support AV in the forthcoming referendum and campaign for a fully elected House of Lords. A levy on the banks was mooted along with the concept of “a living wage” and a more liberal attitude toward civil liberties. New Labour hadn’t kept good company, he said, in an uncoded reference to big business and the party should have done more to regulate the economy, including discouraging the growth of personal debt. Students heard him lay the ground for the abolition of tuition fees, assuming he’s ever in a position to do so and strike action was criticised, causing one union leader to mouth “rubbish” in a live cutaway – a clip which can only be useful in light of the criticism that he’s little more than a trade union stooge.

I thought it was an encouraging speech, which fully took advantage of the opposition privilege of eschewing policy detail in favour of progressive rhetoric. You couldn’t call it a tub-thumper and Ed’s confidence will have to grow if he’s to avoid looking like a private school boy who got pushed onto the stage at the last minute to perform a poem for an audience of expectant parents but the break with the party we didn’t vote for in May was unmistakable.

I felt good will toward the Labour leadership today for the first time since I was a teenager. It may not last and of course it’s far easier to denounce a failed project in government than work out what to do in future but even if it doesn’t last, I like the Labour party this afternoon and that, in itself, is a minor Mili-E achievement.

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Published in: on September 28, 2010 at 15:22  Leave a Comment  
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